Thursday, July 06, 2006

dunno what to do...

for the past couple of days...people have been telling me that i look like i have a problem and that i should just let it out. i just smile and say that it's not true but to be honest there is something bothering me. in true pardz fashion i just deny it and pretend that everything's ok.

the truth is, it's better to just live in denial rather than face the truth. i've heard it all before and i was disappointed the last time. i just don't want to get my hopes up...but it looks like i already have and if it doesn't work out again i don't know what i'm gonna do. i was already given a sign that things may work out this time around but then if it does i have another problem. i have to make a choice...a choice whether to stick around or get a fresh new start. if you know me very well or if you've been reading some of my previous entries you'd know that i've been wanting a fresh start ever since i could remember and now that i may actually get it i don't know if i'm strong enough to take it. maybe this is what i need or maybe i'd finally find what i've been looking for. i can't think about it in "what if's" and "maybe's" thruth is i've got to make a choice whether i'd like the outcome or not.

2 Comments:

Blogger math_goddess said...

besh, i understand what you're going through. in a way, you know that somehow we've been through the same experiences, just different circumstances. except that i didn't have a choice but i decided to just go with it. you know the weight of making decisions like this. and i trust that you would make the one you choose. whatever you choose, know that i'll always be here for you. no matter what. even if i'm miles away. you will get through this. i know you know that. good luck with it and i'm just here, ayt?

10:32 AM  
Blogger Anya said...

hey.. haven't heard from you in a while. seems like you're going through a rough patch. i know, i know. you expect me to say that everything will pass in the end. well let me tell you the truth: it won't pass until you deal with it head on. i know you're the kind of person who whines and whines in his blog, but i also know that you're the kind of person who just uses this blog as an outlet, and that you're gonna use your head to solve this shit in your life right now. don't worry, i'll back you up.

7:07 AM  

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