Monday, July 17, 2006

Im not missing you!!! =p

To be honest...alot has happened in the past couple of days that made me look at life diffrently. I realized that there is so much beauty in this world and no matter what you're going through you'll get through it. I had finally let go of someone who MEANT alot to me and when it happened I had a unexpected reaction...I was happy. I've finally felt that a load was finally off my chest and it feels great. I'm happy...trully happy about everything in my life even though there are still hang-up's...I'm still very happy.

I found out about this song when I was listening to the radio and it really just struck a chord with me...since then it has been a theme song for me and it's dedicated to HER. Every lyric really expresses how I feel about our everything that happened to US and now I want you to know that I'm not missing you.

I'm Not Missing You
By: Stacie Orrico

Oh, Oh
I’m not missing you
Been through just about everything that I could go through
When it comes to relationships
Don’t know what I was missing or why I ain’t listen
When I told myself that was it
Now here I go, hurt again
Cause of my curiousity
Now that it’s over
What else could it be _____

I made a promise never to settle
Why didn’t I keep it?
Cause I hated the heartbreak
Crying and cheating, the fooling around

CHORUS
(But) I’m not missing you
I’m not going through the motions
Waiting and hoping you call me
I’m not missing you
You might have had me open
But I must be going because
I got life to do
I know I’m usually hanging on
I used to hate to see you gone
But this time it’s different
I don’t even feel the distance
I’m not missing
I’m not missing you

It’s a shame in a way cause
I feel that I may not ever find the right one for me
Did I leave him, is he right in front of my face oh
Will my true love ever be?
Why would I go on a search again
When I know what the end will be
What good is love when it keeps on hurting me?
I made a promise never to settle
Why didn’t I keep it?
Cause I hated the heartbreak
Crying and cheating, the fooling around

Chorus x 2

No I can’t be with you
Cause I'm scared felt like I was falling when you left me
I can’t keep going through life
Unaware of what I missed
And the person I could be
Love's good when it’s right
And when it's left in your memory
All the times I let you down
I guess love will be nice for someone else's life

(But) I’m not missing you
I’m not going through the motions
Waiting and hoping you call me
I’m not missing you
You might have had me open
But I must be going because I got life to do
I know I’m usually hanging on
I used to hate to see you gone (I used to hate it)
Oh different, oh feel the distance
I’m not missing
I’m not missing you

I’m not going through the motions
Waiting and hoping you call me (knockin' at my door)
You might have had me open
But I must be going because (it's the best day of my life)
I know I’m usually hanging on
I used to hate to see you gone
Oh different, feel the distance
I’m not missing
I’m not missing you
I'm not missing you (oh baby)
I'm not missing you
I'm so over you
It ain't even a problem

Monday, July 10, 2006

What IS so hard with saying goodbye?!

What IS so hard with saying goodbye?

Can anyone actually answer that for me?! Coz to be honest I don't have a freakn' clue. I mean we say it all the time...when we leave the house, when we leave our friends...it's not that hard to say it yet when it comes to relationships it's the hardest or one of the hardest words to say. I mean for the love of everything that's holy it's just a word. What makes it diffrent from saying it to our friends and parents huh?!

If you're wondering why I'm ranting it's simple...it's because until now I've not really gotten away from the web of the black widow. No matter what I do or how much I try I can't seem to get away from everything. Just when I think I'm finally getting away...I'm always pulled back in and it sucks!!!

Why does she keep me around?! I'm not her freakn' boyfriend yet she acts as if I am. I feel like I'm just being used...being kept around to fill a void in her life. All I want is to know where we stand and get everything out in the open but I know that if confront her she'll over-react. Though she may not admit it, she still acts like a child and makes very immature decisions. She won't understand how I feel and all I can do is sit back and pretend that everythings fine.

LOVE SUCKS AND LOVE'S OVERATED!!!

Thursday, July 06, 2006

dunno what to do...

for the past couple of days...people have been telling me that i look like i have a problem and that i should just let it out. i just smile and say that it's not true but to be honest there is something bothering me. in true pardz fashion i just deny it and pretend that everything's ok.

the truth is, it's better to just live in denial rather than face the truth. i've heard it all before and i was disappointed the last time. i just don't want to get my hopes up...but it looks like i already have and if it doesn't work out again i don't know what i'm gonna do. i was already given a sign that things may work out this time around but then if it does i have another problem. i have to make a choice...a choice whether to stick around or get a fresh new start. if you know me very well or if you've been reading some of my previous entries you'd know that i've been wanting a fresh start ever since i could remember and now that i may actually get it i don't know if i'm strong enough to take it. maybe this is what i need or maybe i'd finally find what i've been looking for. i can't think about it in "what if's" and "maybe's" thruth is i've got to make a choice whether i'd like the outcome or not.

Monday, July 03, 2006

For some reason this song keeps on playing in my head...

Some Hearts
(Words and music by Diane Warren)

Sung by: Carrie Underwood

I've never been the kind that you'd call lucky
Always stumbling' around in circles
But I must have stumbled into something
Look at me
Am I really alone with you
I wake up feeling like my life's worth living
Can't recall when I last felt that way
Guess it must be all this love you're giving
Never knew never knew it could be like this
But I guess

Some hearts
They just get all the right breaks
Some hearts have the stars on their side
Some hearts,they just have it so easy
Some hearts just get lucky sometimes
Some hearts just get lucky sometimes

Now who'd have thought someone like you could love me
You're the last thing my heart expected
Who'd have thought I'd ever find somebody
Someone who someone who makes me feel like this
Well I guess

Some hearts
They just get all the right breaks
Some hearts have the stars on their side
Some hearts,they just have it so easy
Some hearts just get lucky sometimes
Some hearts just get lucky sometimes

Even hearts like mine
Get lucky, lucky sometimes

Some hearts
They just get all the right breaks
Some hearts have the stars on their side, yes
Some hearts
They just have it so easy
Some hearts just get lucky sometimes
Some hearts just get lucky sometimes

damn! this is so cheezy...i can't believe that this gets stuck in my head.