Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Closure

just recently i had the most intresting experience of my life and im so thankful that it happened. to be honest this happened a couple of weeks ago but the realization of it didn't sink in until today.

i've never had the oppertunity to feel the way im feeling and for once, in a very long time, im happy. im happy something that happened in my life and makes me see the world in a new light. coz for some time i've been feeling that when life throws you a curve ball and you miss it...you're gonna keep on missing it, but i was proven wrong. it is true that i still feel like im missing the balls but after what today it makes me feel that i can still make it.

the girl who occupied a great space of my heart has found her happiness at last and i couldn't be more happier for her. it is true that she didn't find it with me but nonetheless i know that she made the right choice. in my heart i know that this was meant to be and that this what our Superfriend wanted. im also very thankful for the fact that even after everything that happened between us, the joys,pains and so much more we kept our friendship alive and that is something i would cherish for all my life.

she saw something in me that i didn't want to see for myself...

she taught me just to be myself...

she made me want to change for the better...

i don't know what i would do if i haven't met and fell in love with this woman coz i know that life won't be the same without her in it.

we put the period in our past and now we are ready to start a new friendship.

Monday, October 17, 2005

thoughts of mine

isn't it funny that whenever life gets hard we wish that we could just disappear or go to a place where no one could ever find us or get to leave for a foreign country were no one knows us and basically get a fresh start. in other words whenever life gats tough we wish we could get a fresh start; pretend that nothing happened and start off with a clean slate.

how we wish that life is that simple that whenever we find ourselves facing a problem or trial we could just press the rewind button and start over, but life isn't made up that way. we have to face our problems, we have to face our fears and no matter what we do we can't start off with a clean slate.

i actually find myself wishing that i could do all the things i had just mentioned. i wish i could off to a diffrent country and get a fresh start or even disapper for a couple of days to a place that no one could find me but the thing with that is im just running away from my problems. the fact of the matter is that i know what i have to do but then again i can't seem to do it.

im in that place that i was a few years ago...a place that i actually thought that i would never be back in again but apparently not. im being asked to grow-up more so than my peers and im feeling that it's happenning too fast that im beginning to feel lost. i don't know what to do and where to go. people expect so much from me that i have no room to make mistakes, or even second guess my choices and if i do im they make me feel that im a kid that doesn't know what im doing but what they fail to realize is that i am still just a kid. im still a teenager and that i don't always know what im doing, i can still make mistakes and second guess myself.

most of the people who know me would tell you that im like a "kuya" (that's why i got the nickname kuya pardz) or that im very responsible. they might say that im a "fashionista" or that im great dancer or that i give great advice but the thing is they just see the surface. that is just part of who i am but beneath that there's the insecurity, the fear and a whole lot of things that they don't see. i come off as someone whose sure of himself and confident but if they only knew that it was the complete opposite.