Tuesday, September 13, 2005

hay...

hay...
this term is such a understatement for me and how i feel...
it can not fully express the feelings that are inside me...
there is so much going on in my life...
choices to make...
trials to face...
and somehow...
it takes alot out of me...
i used to be able to do this...
not sweating the small stuff...
but when you know...
that the future is affected...
by the choices you make right now...
you can't just sweat the small stuff...
so much is at stake...
and everything...
rests on me...
and my choices...
its a tough responsibility...
that i alone must carry...
no one can help me...
no one...

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Touchy...touchy!!!

"i read your blog..all i can say is "wow!" i never thought you could say somethin like that..you were expecting me to lie?!?!first of all..the reason i texted you was bec. i missed talkin to you coz apparently now your college and so far away.. i think thats pretty obvious..just becoz i dont text you that often anymore doesnt mean iv forgotten abwt you and when i text, it doesnt mean that im lookin for someone to rant out my problems to! besides, you of all people should know me better..i dont run to people if i hav a problem, i run to God for that..i ran to you coz i was wonderin how you were doin and if you were ayt..another thing is..i just mentioned to pao that kat told you bout lej and thats all..i didnt even know what hapened after that coz he didnt reply anymor..next thing, i wish you couldv told me..of all the people i believe in and trust most..how was i supposed to know?diba? if thats what you think about the times i text you nowadays, all i can say is, i thought you knew me better to think that..i guess i was wrong to think that then..if you felt like i was treatin you like crap tell me!!coz you have no idea what worse crap im goin through other than whats happenin to lej..you said yourself, you dont like it when people put on a mask to hide what their feeling..so why did you hide this from me?and you call me a bestfriend..i dont think i deserve that title from you if thats the way you think i act..thanks a lot pardz..thanks.. "

this was the message that was sent to me in reaction to the last entry i placed in this journal...

I sent a reply to this message and basically all i said was...

"If you think very little of me then what i wrote shouldn't bother you should it?...

...Look, i don't have to feel guilty or explain anything. What I wrote are my personal feelings and thoughts. So just deal with it...you don't like it don't read it. Simple as that!!!..."