Monday, February 28, 2005

Are you resisting it? For me,what does this mean...

ResistanceIt is time to look at the ways in which you are resisting the love that you deserve. Resistance is the act of working against our conscious intentions, of blocking our own path. Does this sound strange or puzzling? Look carefully at what has been happening in your love life and ask yourself whether or not it could be true. Do you talk about how much you want to meet someone and then stay at home and do nothing? Do you tell yourself and others that you are too busy or too independent for romance? Do you keep starting relationships and then get let down? Or do you feel that you know exactly who the perfect partner is but for some reason theyre unavailable? What you need to realize is that you avoid relationships, give up too easily or choose unsuitable people as a way of resisting.If you have been longing for love then you may feel hurt or angry at the idea that a part of you is resisting it. But this is what is happening, and it is only when you accept this part of yourself that you will be able to find lasting love. Embracing your resistance puts the power back in your hands. If its something that youre doing, then the good news is that its something you have the power to change. We only resist for good reason. The part of you which is resisting love is afraid. You may think that you are afraid of being alone and never finding love but the possibility of finding someone who loves and values you is what is really frightening. Letting another human come close enough to find out who you truly are can be very scary. You may be afraid that they can never love the real you, that they will abandon you once they see beneath your outer shell. Or you may be afraid that they will overwhelm, smother or control you. Perhaps you fear re-creating the pain of previous relationship. The truth is that we find closeness as adults it stirs up the often forgotten pains of closeness which we experienced as children. We resist romantic love so as to avoid feeling our childhood pain, but then we lose out all over again. You need to let the pain emerge and free yourself to be loved. You can deal with your childhood feelings by recognizing that these are the basis of your resistance and need to be addressed. Now is time to look inside yourself, find your deepest fears and bring them out. Try going to therapy, try talking to someone about them or write a letter to yourself.Know that as you face your resistance it will dissolve and leave you free to find the love you deserve. You are brave enough.

this was posted on my bulletin board sa friendster ko. for me, hindi ako na gulat sa nakasulat...gets?! frankly, i've got no freakn' idea what this means...the only person who can answer my question doesn't even want to talk to me sensibly and that just frustrates me evn more. i don't know what she wants from me and frankly im not dying to find out.

Sunday, February 27, 2005

bakit ganun?

bakit ganun? kahit gaano mo pilitin kalimutan ang isang tao, kahit gaano mo pilitin lumayo, kahit gaano mo pilit magsimula ulit ng bago hindi mo magawa. lagi kayong pinagsasama ng tadhana sa bawat pagkakataon. kahit sobrang masakit na sa iyo nandun siya lagi. siya nag nagsisilbing paalala sa lahat ng bagay na hindi mo na gawa. siya ang paalala sa lahat ng pagkukulang mo sa sarili at sa kapwa mo. tuwing nakikita ko siay parang wala akong problema...plastikan kami ever ngunit sa kalooban ko hindi ko maiwasang masaktan at maiyak na lamang. pinipilit ko siyang alisin sa buhay ko ngunit hindi ko magawa. sa palagay ko kailangan ko muling harapin ang kinatatakot ko upang tunay talagang makakalas sa kanya. wala na sigurong iba pang paraan...

So true...

I was actually reading my friends blog and I couldn't help but applaud him at the fact that he writes so well. He seems to know how I feel and writes it down in his own blog, I suggest you check it out. www.kaloy.blogspot.com

Monday, February 21, 2005

something i want to share...

a quote... written by my heart... for everyone's heart...
"sometimes it's just so hard to fall because you'll never gonna get any warning that might just prevent you from tripping and getting scarred... but the worst part about it is you getting up on your feet again, learning from it, and preparing for the next time you might just fall..." - kaloy

it is the worst part, especially when you almost gave your heart out to a person that didn't even knew you loved... and then you just ended up knowing that that person loves someone else... it is very crushing and tough to get up on both feet again because you became fragile and vulnerable from the heartache... and you wouldn't be able to escape the sadness too... you are bound to absorb everything that happened... you'll never gonna know when would an another person touch your heart and take it away again... all you can really do is to get over...

it's just like tripping on a stone and having your knee bleed... you cure it to stop the bleeding and to close the wound... and you wouldn't be able to know when you will be tripping again; instead you would just prepare yourself for the next time you fall...

we're all destined to fall for someone... and we're all destined to be hurt for falling too... but we shouldn't be afraid of falling; in fact, we should take advantage of all the chances we can get in our lives... so, we just have to patch up our knees to make it look nice, buy some more medication (in case of an another accident), and look at all the stones we pass by...

you'll never know when will forever come, because, according to the "expectations theory", all the best things in life happen and come when you least expect it... so don't miss any stone, because you might have just missed a diamond...

a little something written by a very good friend of mine which i want to share with you.

thankx KaLoY!!! You're da BEST!!!

this is an explination

like the title says this is an explination to why i've been acting the way i have, but so that anyone who reads this might understand i'll start from the beginning. i, like so many other fools out there in the world, fell in love with someone. we met during our junior year in high school and we just clicked. we started hanging-out and had some laughs but i made the grave mistake of trusting her long before i've gotten to know her. you see she has this habit of just saying things to other people that were never really meant to be known to them in other words she some sort of chu-chu. so i told her a secret that a good friend of mine trusted me with thinking that it would be kept confidential but i later found out that na ginamit nya tong pang-asar sa taong ito. natural alam nung friend kong yun na sinabi ko sa kanya yung secret coz im the only one who knew about it. to make a long story short my friend ended up not trusting me again and she got to see another side of me that most people don't get to see. im nice guy but if pushed to the limit i can be very dangerous. believe me hindi to stir...anyway, i eventually forgave the girl for what she did but i never really trusted her the sme way again. we still hanged-out and we were good friends but i made the mistake of falling for her before the year ended. if you're asking kung bakit...believe me i don't even know. maybe because she made me believe that i was something more. that i could be something more than what i already was. she made me feel that i was special. i spent most of time just loving her from a distance wishing she knew what i really felt. like what they always say "be careful of what you wish for...coz it may just come true." she did find out what i've been keeping to myself...i told her but what i didn't expect was the series of events that came right after. she told me she liked somebody else and even though she wouldn't admit it she wished that he liked her too. masakit isipin minahal ko siya ng katagal-tagal tapos wala lang. i tired talking to her about what i told her...about how i felt but she wouldn't answer my question or she would just avoid it. the thing that hurts me the most about this is not the fact that she likes another guy but the fact that we ahve to paly these games that just seem to go on forever. she's the type of girl that you "have" to figure out what she's "trying" to tell you and sometimes it's hard to figure her out. she'll be one thing on one day and the complete opposite the next. somebody once asked me "ano ba ang gusto mong mangyari sa inyong dalawa?" i wasn't able to answer kaagad coz i never really thought about it. when i did think about it i couldn't help but wonder and daydream pano kaya kung kami? but my heart says otherwise. bakit ko pa pagpipilitan ang sarili ko sa isang tao na hindi naman ako mahal. nowadays, whenever i see her i couldn't help but be indiffrent towards her. masama man sabihin but being around her just hurts me...i try to be strong. i try to put on a happy face but its just hard whenever she's around. so rather than spend the remaining days that i have in school being sad miserable and lonely i descided to just let her go. to just forget about her and never see her again though it is easier said than done i would rather just leave her be and let her live her life without me in the picture. i know this might sound trivial to whoever might read this but believe me when i say that it isn't to me. lahat naman tayo may kanya-kanyang problema...sa iba mukhang mababaw but for that person mabigat na yun. for now that's it...we'll see how this turns out very soon...
youand had a few l

Sunday, February 20, 2005

something i made...

this was something i tired to do coz i've got nothing else to do with my time. i was bored and didn't know what to do. i actually spent the day doing nothing and spent most of my time thinking, feeling sorry for myself and just wanting to crwal under a rock and die. this world can trully be a dark and ungreatful place which makes you wonder why we live in it in the first place...sure that the Lord has some plan for us but what if you can't see it? what if you just see nothing? nothing but darkness...who knows right.