Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Parting...

Parting

By: Joseph Pardo

I said,

Leave him now before it’s too late

You hesitate a moment you wanted to wait

But I pushed you on and force you to decide

I said,

“Look you don’t have to be so kind.”

You said,

“But I don’t love him anymore.”

So I begged you to leave him alone

Finally you agreed

And we put the phone down

I was happy for you

At last you were free

But I cried

Cause I know that him…

Was ME…

Friday, December 08, 2006

To be or not to be...that is the question?

To be or not to be…that is the question?

For the past couple of weeks I can’t help but notice that the title of this entry is the question on the minds of the people close to me and it also happens that this also the question that is on my mind as well. Personally, I am being faced with the daunting task of facing my past and learning how to deal with it and letting it go. As anyone of you know this isn’t easy to do and one has to be prepared for anything that might happen. Being able to face the truth about yourself and maybe of other and realizing that there are just some things you can’t control and move on. There’s a lot from my past that I haven’t dealt with and now I will have to make choices that I have put off for some time.

Coming to grips with it isn’t easy for me or for anyone simply because we are scared of what we might find or realize about ourselves. Most of the time we just push it aside and focus on other things or we go through denial, sublimation, sour-grapping and other forms of defense mechanisms that “make” us cope with life and I am guilty of that. I’ve tried not to deal with it and frankly it gets tiring after a while. You realize that most of your energies have been going to something else rather than important aspects of your life.

My best friend made me realize that no matter what it has to be me that makes my own happiness and my own life. A lesson that I seem to have forgot over the past couple of months. Life is what I make of it and if I spend so much time just pretending then I won’t be able to do the things that I need to do. I won’t be able to make my dreams come true. I was walking home Saturday night and I couldn’t help but notice how beautiful the night sky was. The moon was out, not a cloud in the sky, there’s a chill in the air and it made me realize that if I wanted to be happy again then I have to do it on my own. That night I decided to make something more of my life and live it to the fullest. I need to make a change and in order to do that I need to come to terms with my past and with my life. I won’t be easy and I know that I’ll fall along the way but someday things will be ok and I will be ok.

I would like to end this with the song that lifts me up entitled “Someday” by Nina:

“Someday…someone’s gonna love me…

The way…I wanted you to need me…

Someday…someone’s gonna take your place…

One day…I’ll forget about you…

You’ll see…I won’t even miss you…

Soemday…someday…”

Thursday, October 05, 2006

THE WIND THAT BLEW MY HEART AWAY

"No, it’s not that. It’s just,…It’s easier in the dark…But pretty soon, the lights are gonna come back on and…we’ll go back to being who we really are. Right? I mean, kissing might be… I don’t know, whatever, to you… but to me, it’ll mean something. And I’ll wake up tomorrow, wanting to do it again… and again, and… pretty much all the time. Somehow, I don’t think you’ll feel the same. On the day that changes,on the day you wake up and have to call me;then I’ll kiss you." - Mouth One Tree Hill

It's true isn't it? Its easier to to have some parts of our lives in the dark
...makes it easier to deny that they're even there. In a way we all keep something in the dark don't we? To hide some part of ourselves that we feel no one would like to see...to hide soemthing that we feel no one will love. This is a sad truth that all of us face. We all wear masks...no one trully shows their true selves. We all try to hide behind something to make it seem that everything is ok;that we're alright We pretend to be ok when were not. We pretend not care because we got hurt We say never again when we fall even more. But it gets complicated; We get fed up; We give up. It's hard to keep pretending but we keep at it...why? Because we afraid of the consequences. Appearances are everything in this world and it sometimes makes me think if it's worth it? Are we all just hiding from something or someone? Are we afraid to get hurt or to be rescued?

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Living the dream

Have you ever been envious of other people who have been given oppertunities that you want to happen for yourself and you wonder how come it happened to them they don't even deserve it...I've been asking myself that for the past couple of weeks and my mind still ends up blank.

I've always believed that life is what we make of it. It is our choices that define the lives we lead. We shouldn't wait for oppertunities to come to us but rather we should make oppertunities happen for us but sometimes I can't help but ask myself how? How can I make things happen for myself?

I want to do a lot of things in my life...I want to be a great dancer, I want to make a movie, I want to go to Cannes, I want to be a gymnist and a like. I have so much in my mind that I want to do but then I don't know where to start. I don't know how in the world I can make all this happen. I know that I can make it happen. I have the talent, the dream, the determination but it seems that God has other plans for me. I've said this a million times and I still believe it until now...things happen for a reason and the Lord just has something better planned for me. I may not know what that plan might be but I have faith in him that everything is as it should be. I still get irritated whenever I hear or see people who do some of the things that I want to do but I just smile and say you're gonna see me do the same thing.

I will do everything that I want to do in life and you'll see that I would be living my dreams.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Alone

It has been a long time since I wrote anything in my blogs (Lord knows I have a lot...hahaha!!! =p) but nevertheless I still take time out to write doen my thoughts and just get them off my chest. Anyway, for the past couple of weeks I've been thinking alot of how much time I find myself to be alone. Don't get me wrong, I have social skills, I'm friendly, outgoing, I have a sense of humor, I got out with friends, I have anawesome group of friends that are both from high school and college so Ican say that I'm not a loser...It's more of the feeling that you can be surrounded by a sea of people and friends but you still feel alone.
I have long learned the lesson that in life you only have yourself. No matter what it has to be you that you count on first to achieve whatever it is you want to reach in life. Sure, you have your family and friends to help you and give you love adn support but sometiems the challenges that youwill face must be faced alone. Family and friends can only do so much but in the end it is you who has to make the choice. I find more and more people who are so scared to stand on their own to feet that they still cling on to others. Personally, I hate the fact they're people who still act like this but that's just my opinion, nevertheless it is so hard to live life with people like this by your side.
Learn to stand alone. Iknow this is easier said than done but believe me you'd be a better person for it. Independence is something we strive for. We have the tools to do this all we need is the determination to do so. Please do not misunderstand what I'm trying to say...I didn't ask you to leave everything behind and be a hermit in the mountains...all I'm saying is that don't depend things, events, circumstances etc on other people. Learn to stand on your own to feet and never be afraid to be alone. In the stillness of the night is where you can hear your own thoughts.

Friday, August 18, 2006

August 18 experience

Change...

Everything and everyone goes through it...

We don't notice it sometimes...

While some try so desperately to make it happen.

Others let things run there course...

Or some conspire to make things happen.

Some of us try to embrace it...

While others just turn a deaf's ear.

Change is the only permanent thing in this world some might say...

Some might say that it's a part of life...

But nevertheless it's not the act of changing that matters...

It's how we react and take it to heart.

Just recently I was given the oppertunity to get in touch with a part of me that I lost. You see I've been in dark place in my life for so long that I actually thought it was who I am. I thought that having all this bitterness and anger was the only thing I could hold on too. Thinking to myself that this is what life had in store for me. I had lost myself in the darkness but yesterday made realize that it wasn't the case. It was more of me just wanting to stay where I was simply because it was all I knew, but now I know I can get out of it.

It was my recollection yesterday and like any other recollection I pretty much expected the same old things. True enough it was kinda the same to the other recollections I've gone to but the difference was the people I got to spend it with. These were people who I only knew in my first term here in CSB. People who I just to chatting with because they were my seatmates or because we had common friends. I guess God just wanted me to get together with these people to make me realize the truth about myself. That I am a good person.

It was proven to me yet again that everything does happen for a reason. I was given a cahnce to get to know these people more and we got share about our experiences, belifs, values etc amd what I loved the most was the final activity wherein we got to talk about our negative traits and give positives ones. what moved me the most were the things that they were saying about me. It really moved me so much because in the short amount of time we've spent together I made a very big impact on their lives. What they don't know is that all the things that they said really got me in touch with myself and me realize that my life now isn't what it was back then. I've really grew up and somehow lost the things that were really who I am as a person.

To my groupmates namely: Iko, Lxa, Kel and Ramir I just want to thank you guys for making me see me for the first time in a long time. I don't know how I can ever repay you; just know that after being with you guys I can really consider you as my friends and know that no matter what I will always be here for you. You can count on me for anything and I will be there for you. Thank you guys so much!!! I love you all!!! *mwah*

Saturday, August 05, 2006

*sigh*

responsibility...

it SUCKS!!!

it never seems to go away when you get older...

nor does it get any easier.

i hate the fact that i have so much responsibility and the fact that i choose to also take them...it's just the kind of guy i am i guess. nevertheless, it sucks to just have it. the fact that alot is expected of you or the fact that i have to mature or the fact that i can't afford to act like a teenager when in fact i still am. it's just hard to do or be so much for so many people that sometimes i can't help but feel that im forgetting myself sometimes and i mean this for everything. school, family, friends, love life, social life and a like that sometimes i just find myself just crying myself to sleep or im indifferent to other people or just that i want to drop everything and runaway...but sadly i can't. i have so much going for me and things going on in my life that i can't really afford to do it. all i can really do is just suck it in and live life.

i know that you might be sick of me saying this and i know you might say why don't i just do it or find an alternative solution or just get over it coz im not the only person who's going through it...you maybe right but all im really trying to do is just get everything off my chest. this is the only medium i have for now to bring my inner most feelings out.

*deep sigh*

that's just how life is i guess...

i better just deal with it....